School's been stressful for me lately. Unfortunately
my friends have had to hear me rant and cry about it. Lost a lot of machismo
points for being so whiny. This post isn't about me whining but about things
just working out. There is a lot of stuff I can talk about school for the last
few weeks, but I'll try to keep short.
First of, there was one class that was really
stressful. I got weirdly competitive at the beginning of it; hoping that MY
script would be picked and I would direct. After my script didn't get picked, I
had a lot of weird ideas in my head about art and film. Honestly, I've had a
lot of weird ideas this last year. But I decided not to direct, because there
was enough for me to deal with in life and other classes. I figured I would
just take a back job, and have it easy. Instead I ended up being the Art
Director for the entire movie, and it was a Zombie film about a Marathon and a
Non-Profit. There was a lot of Art needing to be directed... Needless to say
things didn't go easy for me. There was a lot of blood, sweat, and tears put
into it.
As it got closer to the shoot I thought that
everyone would feel that the movie was a failure and that it would be my fault.
I was trying to make it as professional as I could, but I never really worked
on a professional set, and I had to figure a lot of stuff out. People were helping
me, and as it got closer to the shoot more and more people helped me out, people
in class, and outside that just wanted to help out some students. Still, there
was a lot of stuff, and my stress level was rising. One person that was helping
me told me to remember to have fun, that it's all about having fun. The night
before that finally set in, and when the shoot happened I had fun. Sure not
everything went according to plan, but things worked out. The pinnacle for me
was when my teacher thanked me personally, telling me that I did a good job.
Some how in school you don't get told a lot that you did a good job, in the
arts I feel like I don't get enough "good jobs." There is this
constant weight, even by my own self, for perfection. So to finally be told
that I did a good job was very reaffirming that I am where I needed to be. It
made me super emotional to get thanked.
Another big thing has been trying to get classes that I want/need. I
officially only need one more class to graduate, then there are several classes
that I want for fun/technical skills. There was one directing class that I
really wanted, and I was banking on getting it. It was a sure thing, at least I
thought so, because I am a graduating senior and have taken other classes that
would make me a shoe in. I didn't get in. I did get in to several other
classes. I really wanted to get into Editing, Writing for Actors Class, and an
Experimental Documentary class. I really wanted to take Experimental Doc, but
figured if I got into Directing and the other two I wouldn't. Honestly I wanted
it more than Directing. Even though I was hurt I didn't get into Directing, I
am now counting my blessings that I got into the ones I did. Even more I feel
like God got me what I wanted more than what I thought I wanted, because this
is what I need. For myself, and my future film career. This semester has been tough, one of the toughest of my adult school career, but it is what I needed.
