Anxiety and Life

I took a walk/train ride to the ocean the other night. I've been having trouble focusing. I've been anxious about graduation. I don't feel ready, realizing that no one ever does. There's something daunting about the end. At the same time I feel so relived that I will be a free man again. I will be able to get a job and start paying off my loans and saving money. I haven't worked in a year, having chosen to focus on school. I don't regret it, but its been hard for me to do much else.

Mortality has been haunting me lately. The fact that I will die. I turn thirty this summer. I feel like that snuck up on me. Someone reminded me that tall people usually have shorter life spans, so technically I may already be middle aged. There is so much that I want to do with my life, but at times I move so slow. Its hard.

I think that's why I went to the beach. To try and escape my mortal despair for a little bit. To see a piece of this beautiful world instead of sitting around for a few more seconds. Reminding me that I am part of something bigger. Reminding me that there is organization and that God is out there waiting for me. The best thing to do about despair and anxiety is get up and do something. They only set in when we do nothing. 

I'm grateful for the ocean. That I can simply jump on a train and be there in ten minutes.