Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Free Write From Who Knows When

The following is a free write that I found while I was cleaning up my computer. I don't think I meant it to be serious, as I laughed when I read it. Hence, I decided to post it. I hope someone enjoys this, I had no idea what was going through my head.

Can we change? Truly? This has been the topic of a great many writings. My favorite show Lost dealt with this theme over and over again. To watch a character begin to change from who they were before they crashed onto the island only to watch them slide back into their natural selves. This is how I am whenever I move. I present myself in a false fashion, artificially recreating myself into what I project others want, or whom I think I should be. Then the slide back. Then there are all those times that I have tried to change for a girl, that never works out. To feel that I am flawed, like characters on Lost, and imperfect and seeking to improve upon myself to better appease God, myself, and those around me, never works out. I feel as though I am the same person as when I was six years old, (a Modest Mouse song states that.) I wish to change, but often I do not see it in the day to day. I only see it in the tragedies, to witness myself becoming more reserved and graceful, (only a wee bit,) when heart ache hits me. I’ve learned to walk away rather than linger for years on pain. But beyond that I still relate to people the same way, I still have many of the same habits, just situated in a bigger body, and a later point and time than when I was six. The core of me does not change. Perhaps this part of me should not change. This is who I am and I should accept it. To accept is to allow change, I believe that this is something that Kierkegaard wrote about. Acceptance of ones self, our limitations and strengths, then we can work around them. Like Batman.

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