Back to where I started...

I'm restarting this blog up. I haven't made any posts in quite sometime. About a year ago I even went so far as to retire it, hiding it completely. Mostly because when I moved out of the East Bay and into the West I wanted to start a new life-Tabula Rasa-hiding myself, and the person I had been in favor of a new life. A very Romantic idea. On the show Lost many of the characters tried to do the same thing on the island in which they were trapped. Unfortunetaly for them they found out that you can't escape the past because you carry it around with you. That's what happened with me in many ways. I tried to escape myself, only to have it show up as emotional baggage; which is worse. Then in an effort to hide myself I didn't open myself up to people, killing off a few relationships before they started.

So why the blog? How is this me opening up? I suppose its another outlet to open myself up to, though I don't know who is going to read this. It is as likely some stranger in Germany will stumble upon this as it is a friend, or a potential future GF.

I think it was important for me to reopen this blog. I deleted a few old posts, but all of them are amateurish and embarrassing. I can't figure out why I was as open as I was, or why I thought the way I did. But here it is, in all its glory. I needed to open this up to, in a sense, help open myself up.

I retook the "5 Love Language" test thingy. I like touch, but in truth I only like touch when its from someone I like. That's not really my love language. When I lived in Oakland people knew I didn't like touching, then I moved to SF and I became more touchy feely. I'm not going to say why, but I have moderated. Touch is not my love language, its Quality time, and words of affirmation. In Quality time you want someone to pay attention to you, and you to them. Just focus, no tv, cell phone, etc. The two of you just talk. When I was all touchy, I lost that, and again denied a part of me. So I think I am trying to blog again as another way to connect. Words of affirmation are appreciated.